1. Tide CEO: You Gotta Stop Eating Tide Pods

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. 5 April 2018. 4 min

What? Kids love chocolate.

2. ABC CEO: “No More Racist Shows”

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. 23 June 2018. 4 min

America has spoken, and it wants TV that’s more divisive than ever.

3. Venmo CEO: We’re Fun!

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. 25 August 2018. 4 min

It’s like a hipper, sexier version of the Bank of America app. That’s what kids want, right?

4. MoviePass CEO: PLEASE DON’T CANCEL

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. 13 September 2018. 5 min

All businesses have a growing period! We’re just growing downwards! Impressively fast!

5. Tumblr CEO: No More Porn

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. 17 December 2018. 5 min

Finally, Tumblr’s returning to its family-friendly roots, like BDSM (Buddies Doing Social Media)!

6. JUUL CEO: No More Advertising to Kids

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. 22 November 2019. 5 min

Save up your allowance! Juul is introducing new ways to experience your favorite vape brand.

7. GoFundMe CEO: We Could Use a Few Fun Ones

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. 27 December 2019. 6 min

This wasn’t supposed to be a website that hosts popularity contests where if you lose, you die.

8. Tide CEO: Soap Isn’t Medicine

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. 1 June 2020. 7 min

David Taylor is back, and he still can’t believe this has to be explained.

9. A Message from the Skype CEO

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. 17 March 2021. 6 min

The CEO of Skype is here with a message for all you “loyal” users.

10. Oreo CEO: Stop Making New Oreos

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. 14 April 2021. 7 min

The perfect cookie exists, we can stop now.

11. Hardware Store CEO: We’re Rebranding (for Some Reason)

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. 12 May 2021. 7 min

The owner - I mean, CEO - of Midland Park Hardware is here to disrupt… the nail industry?